“Just as we should aim to bring the best version of ourselves to our workplaces and social situations, we should also remain mindful of investing the same level of presence and intention in our relationship with our partner. Realize that just as there would be consequences if we were to sit back on the job while other people shouldered an unfair burden, there are real consequences of doing so in our relationship,” the expert pointed out. “Have regular conversations about what is and is not working. Talk about issues as they come up. Set an intention to keep your relationship healthy, and the lines of communication open.”
The clinical psychologist suggested that couples who find dividing responsibilities a difficult thing to do might benefit from scheduling biweekly meetings to talk about household chores and tasks. “In these meetings, share, negotiate, and reflect on what is working and what needs further attention and retooling.
“Together, troubleshoot, negotiate, and consider the possibility of bringing in extra help to ease the household burden. And while you’re at it, schedule in time for each other. Create the possibility for healthier conversations around household chores and responsibilities,” Dr. Vermani advised.
Some studies second the idea that eliminating chores from a couple’s life altogether can positively affect their relationship. Spending money, which is often dedicated to something more palpable when one wants to treat themselves, would result in buying time, which can be a game changer, as according to the researchers, “The more time-pressed you feel, the lower your well-being”.
Sharing certain tasks around the house is arguably what’s best for a couple’s relationship
But even if one of the partners had the time—as the OP’s girlfriend arguably did being unemployed—to take care of all the chores on their own, dividing them seems to be the better option.
“The number of equally shared tasks matters a great deal for both men’s and women’s relationship quality,” Daniel L. Carlson, Associate Professor at the Department of Family and Consumer Studies at University of Utah, wrote in a briefing paper prepared for the Council on Contemporary Families.
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